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IF you are NOT blessed enough to own personal means then u surely must have headed to COUNTRY Bus(waluhya) ama pale AFYA center(wakisii )to book a mbukinya or a transline bus to facilitate your travel to mashinani

Below are some of the habits to avoid in favor of your fellow passengers

FEEDING HABITS

Eat from your house and head to the bus station on a full stomach. If u can’t eat from home wait until you arrive at the designated stopping point. Some of us are very broke to sustain the chicken and chips aroma that you are inflicting on us as we travel.  Avoid foods that can inflict bodily harm to your bus mates.   Sugar cane is not advisable during travel. You may inflict your neighbor with unplanned injuries while trying to exercise the INEOS kipchoge challenge on sugarcane

Avoid foods that can cause neema to arrest you for being biologically hazardous to the environment and Stop pouring food on us .You can’t eat a cocktail of yoghurt eggs and groundnuts then expect a positive response from your stomach.

COMMUNICATION SKILLS

We don’t want to hear how Duale your village dog raped Rex the City chiuwawa .In short we are not interested in your nonsensical phone conversations. If u must speak to us make sure your dental formulae is clean. We are tired of the heavy hazardous smell of last night’s Guinness while trying to make us laugh to your unfunny long stories

SLEEPING HABITS

If your neck can’t handle your big Head kindly try to stabilize your head somewhere else when sleepy.  Kama uko na Tabia ya kuachia wenzako stain ya Mate ukiwa umelala panda punda

CHILDREN

If family planning dint work for you please don’t involve us with your six children if you can’t pay their bus tickets and facilitate their feeding.  The habit of “nishikie huyu” or “amka baba ukule na uncle”   uncle?? Where? Who? How?

MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS

If you can’t keep your eyes to yourselves, watch the moving trees outside and Stop poking your nose to our phones. To phone owners keep your private matters private and put on headphones. We are not interested in your coarse voice notes with your TWA TWA partner

Finally travel safe and happy festivities

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Sponsoring something (or someone) is the act of supporting an event, activity, person, or organization financially or through the provision of products or services.

The individual or group that provides the support, similar to a benefactor, is known as a  sponsor, However in Kenya sponsorship” is the concept of an older, wealthier man taking care of a pretty younger, attractive girl in exchange for ‘a one minute TWA TWA session not unless the sponsor has been hitting the gym then he can surpass the one minute mark by 30 seconds

Sponsorship typically comes in the form of treats as well as cash allowance. The man gives the girl money. The girl gives the man sex companionship.

In the end, both parties go home happy while most likely equipped with fresh STIs to transmit

Here are the notable characteristics of A Kenyan sponsor

They do it privately

A good number of Kenyan sponsors are well respected men who you wouldn’t suspect are banging their daughters’ age-mates under the radar.

Their actions aren’t always immediately discernible. A sponsor  will expect a relationship that’s discreet and private regardless of why he’s having an affair, he likely has no intention of ending his marriage.

He is just looking for an escape—he wants to fulfill that adventurous fantasy of being with a beautiful younger woman, but still wants to be able to go home to his normal life.

Pot belly

Kenyan sponsors look like they are the ones that get pregnant after sex, They look like they ate all the previous girls they slept with.

I wonder how the young girls manage to survive under all that weight. These girls must be having hidden ‘Samsonic’ powers in those weaves or something because their ability to handle all the heaviness is  something else After all, sponsors can only do the missionary position. Any other position would give them a heart attack. 

Extremely thirsty They prefer the time frame between “hello” and TWA TWA” to be as short as possible, in that they don’t waste too much time chasing a girl. What they do is just dangle the opulence to potential gold-digging targets . Same way a home owner dangles a bone to a dog and it comes running

Sponsors are more thirsty than Savanna buffalos looking for water in a National Geographic wildlife documentary. Despite the excessive sex  they get, their thirst stagnates at alarmingly high levels.

They wallow in desire and revel in female submission.

Super generous.

They  are the everyday Santa Claus, only that their gifts are target-specific. A sponsor understands that the ordinary, beautiful young woman is broke and in desperate need of a good life.

He thus takes advantage of this by feeding young girls cash plus treats and making them addicted to the life. A sponsor understands that no girl can refuse to kiss his unevenly shaped lips after buying her dinner at Kempinski and gifting her an I-phone 10 plus.

It’s all part of the trade and part of the world as we know it at the moment.

Controlling.

A sponsor will most likely want to be in control of when and where the relationship plays out. He doesn’t tolerate instances of a girl calling and asking “Uko wapi? Nikam?” Sponsors mean what they say. These men are interested in control.

They don’t want a forceful woman. They have enough of that already. They want a girl who’ll be a pretty flower. For each favor they dish out, they expect a woman to bend over backwards to appease them.

Sponsors are all over and they are here to say. Unless the girls decide to suddenly embrace morals. To us young guys, they are competition – strong competition.

You just have to be a smart and dominant male to avoid kissing the same female lips that were kissing your grandfather during the weekend

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Controversial pastor James Ng’ng’a has claimed that rapper Kinga Kaka’s mother is his girlfriend.

This is after the rapper mentioned the Neno televangelist in his latest hit song Wajinga Nyinyi, claiming that the pastor cheats his congregants openly.

While responding to the song, Ng’ang’a called King Kaka a fool before urging him to hangout with Matatu touts rather than seeking to trend on social media.

“King Kaka, your mother is my girlfriend,” said the pastor while preaching. “Wherever you are, tell King Kaka your mother is my girlfriend.” 

The rapper has been trending following his new song “Wajinga Nyinyi” in which he attacks politicians for being corrupt.

Neither King Kaka nor his mum has reacted to the shocking statement yet that has left many wondering why the pastor said such a thing.

Watch the video below:

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Apart from being able to watch your favourite series while taking a bath a bedsitter enables you to see all your life’s worth in a blink of an eye ..I mean what can be more satisfying than doing all your house chores from one position

The problem comes in when kplc decides to award you with darkness and you can’t remember where you put your knife so u have to tiptoe carefully as if u had landmines in your house. This is to avoid any unplanned injuries leave alone the bruises your only sufuria  gave you while milk was at the brim of misbehaving (you know how milk can misbehave while boiling)

Lets get to basics what is a bedsitter( to our rich friends who dont relate with the struggle)  this is a one-roomed unit of accommodation typically consisting of combined bedroom and sitting room with cooking facilities, basically u have everything in one room .. a slight mistake and you could be sending your supper to the toilet ..”unaeza tegwa na cable ya charger uangukie githeri imwagike kwa choo”  In bedsitters, you don’t pay rent. You give the landlord a token

Most campus students or new employed Kenyans will go for a bedsitter because it is affordable and it allows them to purchase household staffs at their own pace. In Kenya, the more spacious a bedsitter is, the more expensive it will be.. the average bedsitter of a common mwananchi goes for about 4 to 8k ..

Even with a small budget you can make your little palace favourable and comfortable .

1. EGGS

A crate of eggs should never miss in your little palace .eggs can come in handy in a bedsitter especially when you keep asking yourself “Leo ntakula nini” go to mama mboga get yourself sukuma wiki for ten Bob combine with two eggs and you are good to go…or when your prayer partner sleeps over and you want to make her the breakfast of champions. Confuse her with 3 slices of bread and 2 eggs  and see her smiling the entire day .

2 SUGAR

With sugar your life is sorted. Remember back then in highschool how sugar used to make you a king/queen.. now in a bedsitter vitu kwa ground si tofauti.  Sugar comes in handy especially in preparing your beverage, whether its cold power or a hot one depending on the status of  your stove or gas. You can prepare tea as you plan on what to eat and before your stomach realizes u are already asleep.

For the KDF lovers try  adding groundnuts in between your KDF and if ur lucky enough to afford an avocado ongeza kwa mix then take it home with tea.. thank me later

3. SALT

Add salt to taste is a popular phrase used in almost all recipes.. however minor it may seem salt is a great hack ..when life has played ” iyope” with u .. u can comfortably boil your meal and add salt without including cooking oil. When your prayer partner comes along and you don’t have cooking oil tell her you are preparing a cholesterol free meal and boil her meat don’t forget to add salt. When worse comes to worse ask those who have tried ugali and salt

4 WOOFER OR A BLUETOOTH DEVISE

Stock your bedsitter with a nice low budget woofer or put a Bluetooth speaker in a drum and you have your self a Sony 3d music system . Woofers help in minimising interior sound This in turn welcomes phrases as ” Niaje bro si unisaide keja yako mama anakam” . If u can afford a television set the better and if ur creative enough your tv can double up as a mirror .

Other notable hacks

5 Never grow a plant in your bedsitter – you might die at night as you compete for oxygen

6 When your prayer partner comes along for TWA TWA sessions make sure you leave your shoes outside and put hers inside so as to avoid comments from the nosy neighbours who can’t keep note of the thief who stole your khaki trousers but can keep note of who comes along to your house

7 A special shoutout to social media, which has made us all equal. You can put down a Top World Economist with a single tweet from your bedsitter in Wangige.

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Kenya High school has topped the 2019 KCSE Results in terms of straight As.

In the just released results by Education Cabinet Secretary George Magoha, the Nairobi based girls school topped with the number of straight As by getting 76 straight As. 

Kenya High school also had students in the top 10 students including the second placed Njuguna Winney who managed to get performance index of 87.

627 students scooped straight A while 5796 students managed A-. 125, 746 students in the exams managed to score the minimum university grade of C+ and above.

While releasing the results, The Education CS George Magoha attributed the improved performance by students compared to last year. 

other schools that were in the top 10 list include;
1 Kenya High – 76 As – Top school

2 Kapsabet Boys Hight school – 49As

3 Alliance Boys – 48 As

4 Moi High school Kabarak – 30 As

5 Alliance Girls High school – 27As

6 Mary Hill Girls – 25 As

7 Maseno School – 23 As

8 Nairobi School – 23

9 Mang’u Boys High School  – 23 As

10 Moi Girls Eldoret – 21 As 

The schools were ranked according to the number of students that scored an A plain.

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Buluma Tony from Kapsabet Boys High School has emerged Top KCSE student with 87.159 points.

Top 10 students.

1.Wabukho Tony – 87.159 – top student.

2.Baraza Njeri – 87

3.Aboke David – 87

4. Anthony Ochieng – 87

5. Mathuri Wawira – 86

6. Kizito Ezra – 86

7. Lomali Chemengach – 86

8. Ndathi Njoki – 86

9. Chelangat Irene – 86

10. Chelangat Ruto – 86

This year’s KCSE results have come three days earlier than was the case last year.

According to Education Cabinet Secretary George Magoha, the results this year have improved compared to previous years.

A total of 699,745 candidates sat this year’s Kenya Certificate of Secondary Education (KCSE) examinations.

51% Male sat for examination as compared to 49% Female.

627 scored A plains, 5000+ A-minus and 125,746 above C+.

Candidates attaining A plain rose to 627 up from 315 last year. Grade A- (minus) shot to 5,796 from 3,418 last year. Overall, minimum University entry grade C+ and above shot to 125,746 as compared to 90,377 last year.

16 subjects significantly improved with 11 recording decline.

The marking of the examination was concluded on Thursday and Knec officials immediately embarked on analysing the results.

This year’s examination was conducted between November 4 and 27 and marking started on November 28 in 20 schools in Nairobi and its environs.

Last year, the results were released on December 21.

A total of 26,597 teachers marked this year’s KCSE examination in 20 stations in Nairobi and its environs.

The examination was done in 10,287 centres across the country with a total of 21 cases of examination malpractices being reported and 90 mobile phones being confiscated from candidates during the examination.

The 2019 KCSE examination was being administered for the 31st time since its inception in 1989.

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Slay can mean “to kill a person or animal,” “to make someone laugh,” “to have sex with someone,” or “to do something spectacularly well,” especially when it comes to fashion, artistic performance, or self-confidence.

 In today’s era where social media is the order of the day a slay queen  has been quoted as  basically a diva, mostly from urban locations, that has reason to believe she is every man’s eye candy and the envy of every other woman.

She believes that women of her kind are superior and should thus be treated as such. However,others define slayqueens as Young and naive girls who apparently do not date broke men.

They spend hours on Snapchat and Instagram showing off things they don’t even own. Others may say Girls who do not have a wealthy background but appear as if they do.

They use malicious acts to attain cash, drink expensive alcohol, procure expensive cellphones. But back at home she’s a chicken chaser.

Here are the most common characteristics of a Kenyan (nairobian)Slayqueen

1. Blue ticks

Slay queens can ignore your texts untill you think twice about your phone.is it my phone that is a problem or iPhones don’t receive texts from cheap Android phones . It’s like your text is a Safaricom message or that “nitumie hizo pesa kwa hii number” message from a Kamiti inmate. You just keep seeing the slay queen of your dreams online most of the time, but she doesn’t respond, because she has “options.” – lots of options.However if u want a live action of The just concluded stone throwing party at kibera by-elections , Fail to respond to her texts . Slay queens have extreme double standards in life. A slay queen can’t stand waiting for a guy for 10 minutes for example. On the other end, she doesn’t see a big deal in being two hours late while the sun is playing bazokizo with you pale archives

2. Taking pictures with their legs curved and lots of filters

Look at the pictures of most slay queens and you might think they are suffering from Rickets – the condition that causes bowed legs in some children. Slay queens are obsessed with pictures and when she makes you her photographer, you’ll have to keep repeating the shots untill she is satisfied..she will pick one picture out of the possible kanyari (310) that u have taken. Note the saying vitu kwa ground ni different ..she will appear on a date looking different than what she has been sending in your dm.

3. Life of the party

A slay queen believes that being an obnoxious. shisha-loving party girl is all part of the good life. Despite the fact that she’s puked in all the washrooms of all Kenyan clubs, a slay queen will pretend to be too cool for local music. Ask her if she’s heard Timmy Tdat’s latest song and she’ll be like “Ati Timmy Tdat? Who’s that? I don’t do local music and when a gengeton track drops she twerks her soul out while shouting to the lyrics as though she was in a football pitch supporting Gor mahia

4. Accent

Slay queens tweng harder than PLO Lumumba. All their speeches are littered with phrases such as “Wharreva”, “So cute”, “Do I look fat?”,”I’m done with..” and “Oh my gosh” depending on the mood. Despite the slay queen’s penchant for accents, she has very poor grammar.  A slay queen doesn’t know the difference between your and you’re, I’m and Am, as well as many other English connotations. She never will. And she will be offended if you point that out.

5.Outrageous preferences for men

Slay queens have crazy standards when it comes to the kind of men they want, even when they don’t deserve such men at all. They believe that only the best of the best will suffice for their romantic life. My guy if u dont stay in kile lavi or Westlands hauna Chako more so if u don’t drive.  Money is number one for a slay queen, with looks a close second. A slay queen doesn’t care if her boyfriend is smart or a decent human being , so long as he looks cool and has some cash. And as long as he’s buying her Guarana at Kiza. And as long as she can talk to her girls about her boyfriend who buys her Guarana at Kiza, she’s happy

6. Oversharing on social media

A slay queen likes to over share with everyone on social media. She is out there trying to make others feel inferior and peer pressured by fake material things .. she will post “the weekend has begun.”, work hard enjoy life,” “depressed,” slaying “That amazing feeling when you get home and take off your bra,”men are thrash “My puppy died…..so sad ? RIP Toto….you were so adorable.”

7. Dumbness

A slay queen will know what is the name of Kim Kardashian’s cousin’s sister or what was the color of cardi B’s dress on a post she posted three months ago but she has no idea where Syria is, or what’s BBI.

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Former State House Director of Digital Communications Dennis Itumbi has penned a moving poem to his long time ‘friend’ Jacque Maribe on her birthday.

In his poem, Itumbi has describe Maribe as a fire.

The poem reads;

Happy Birthday, Jacque Maribe,

You are a FIRE.

A Fire in your stage presence,

A Fire that has super hot flames,

Flames that keep them talking,

You are a Fire of beauty and sexy.

A Fire that sparks and sustains friendships,

A Fire, I gladly embrace and use to ink this poem,

A Fire that is so lovely to resist,

You are a Fire on top of a mountain,

Living life, couregously, powerfully and unapologetically

A Fire that refines your ore into Gold.

A Golden friend.

A Golden mum

A Golden trailblazer

So here an online hug, tight, endless and Forever.

Our Friendship, is our souls on Fire.

Burning the past into ashes, connecting us,

Soldering to the future, with the force of water down a waterfall…

Friends, planted right at the bull’s eye of our hearts, is what we are…

May you get endless Birthday kisses and triumphs…

You are a lovely FIRE..

I wish you Endless victory, may you warm our hearts.

Happy Birthday!

However, Kenyans on Twitter have jumped quickly on the poem to troll Itumbi.

They have hilariously reacted to the poem, some telling him off for bringing his private affairs with Maribe online. They argue that he should have send the poem to Maribe via her inbox.

Some argue that Itumbi has been chasing Maribe for a very long tie and it is now time he should consider giving up, with some arguing that comedian Eric Omondi had already won Maribe’s heart.

Here are some of the reactions.


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Nairobi County Governor Mike Mbuvi Sonko is expected in court today (Wednesday) to answer to assault charges.

Sonko will appear in a Voi Court to face three counts among them resisting police arrest and disorderly conduct.

He is accused of battling police officers when he was arrested at a Voi road block on December 6.

In the Voi case, police said they have served court summons to the governor to appear in court on Wednesday to answer charges of assaulting Coast Regional Police Commander Rashid Yakub by kicking him on the thigh and insulting others during his dramatic arrest.

The governor is accused of being unruly, abusive and violent in an attempt to resist arrest thereby obstructing police officers from the lawful execution of their duties.

The embattled governor was last week charged with several counts of graft and released on a cash bail of Ksh.15 million bail but blocked from accessing his office, this setting off a chain reaction within Nairobi County which remains without a leader.

A planned impeachment motion against the governor has been shelved with both the governor and the Nairobi MCAs awaiting a ruling on Friday that will determine whether Sonko can be allowed back in office.

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2019 KCSE examination results are set to be released this morning by Education CS Prof George Magoha.

A total of 699,745 candidates sat this year’s Kenya Certificate of Secondary Education (KCSE) examinations.

On Monday, Kenya National Examinations Council (Knec) board held a meeting to approve the results ahead of submission to President Uhuru Kenyatta before they are made public.

Already Education stakeholders have been invited for the release of the results at Knec headquarters on Dennis Pritt road.

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Kenyan rapper Kennedy Ombima alias King Kaka on Tuesday presented himself at Directorate of Criminal Investiations (DCI) headquarters along Kiambu road after claiming that he had been summoned by a CID officer over his latest song, Wajinga Nyinyi

DCI however in a later tweet denied having summoned the Wajinga nyinyi hit maker. King Kaka was later advised to report the person who had called him to Muthaiga police station after he exposed the number.

While presenting him at the DCI headquarters, the rapper did not walk alone.

He was accompanied by several celebrities.

The rapper through his thanks note on Tuesday night appreciated the celebrities for standing with him.

List of Popular musicians present.

Octopizzo

Khaligraph Jones

Eric Wainaina

Wahu Kagwi

Nonini Mgenge

Juliani

Nameless

Frasha

Jaguar

Poet Tear Drops

Undersqo

List of Lawyers who stood with him

Ahmednasir Abdullahi

Nelson Havi

MMS Advocates

The Lawful

Politicians

Dr Ekuru Aukot

Activists

Boniface Mwangi

Juliani

Bravin Yuri.

Public Figures

Janet Mbugua

Njenga Dennis

Muigai Wa Njoroge

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Flamboyant city lawyer Donald Kipkorir has torn into Kenyan rapper Kennedy Ombima alias King Kaka over his recent controversial hit song dubbed Wajinga Nyinyi.

Donald Kipkorir while commenting on the song attacked King Kaka for what he argues as disrespecting Kirinyaga governor Anne Waiguru.

Waiguru on Monday threatened to sue King Kaka over defamation.

In the song, the rapper mentions Waiguru in NYS scandals, which the Kirinyaga governor has termed as defamation.

But Kipkorir while defending Waiguru argued that King Kaka may mislead few, but Kenya is not the town of Hameli .

He went ahead to attack his business, saying that the rapper calls himself “King” and calls his kiosk business “Empire” .

“Let the record show that I stand with Anne Waiguru … I can’t be excited by one who calls himself “King” & calls his kiosk business “”Empire” … I know mental issues abound but we are all not mad …. He may mislead few, but Kenya is not the town of Hameli,”he tweeted.

King Kaka on Tuesday presented himself at DCI headquarters along Kiambu road after he alleged that he had been summoned by a CID officer.

DCI however denied having summoned the rapper, warning that no one should seek publicity by using their name.

The Dudaing hit maker later exposed the number that had called him and was advised to report the person to Muthaiga Police Station.

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Justice David Majanja of Commercial Court has issued arrest warrant for National Treasury PS Julius Muia to Inspector General of Police Hillary Mutyambai.

Mutyambai has been urged to produce PS Muia in Court on Wednesday, December 18 at 8am.

Mr Muia is wanted in the case by Okiya Omtatah to explain frozen accounts of Child Welfare Society of Kenya.


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Rapper Kennedy Ombima alias King Kaka has reported the individual who summoned him to DCI headquarters.

King Kaka on Tuesday said that he had been summoned by a CID officer and was to report at DCI headquarters by 12 noon, only for DCI to deny the claims via a tweet.

However, the rapper went on to expose the number that had called him.

The officer had allegedly asked him to report to room 304 upon getting to the DCI headquarters.

“So what happened my manager was called at 10:41am, wakampigia na wakasema its either you come to us and we know where you are. So come to us inamaanisha ni hapa, so kufika hapa tunaambiwa that the number and the guy do not exist,” said the father of three.

He was advised to report the person at Muthaiga police station.

In a tweet shared by activist Boniface Mwangi, the Wajinga Nyinyi crooner has reported the matter at Muthaiga Police Station under OB No 42/17/12/19.

“The @DCI_Kenya instructed @RabbitTheKing to report the person that summoned him at Muthaiga Police Station. He has reported and @NPSOfficial_KE @PoliceKE have promised to investigate whoever called and summoned him. He has been issued with Occurence Book (OB) number 42/17/12/19,” Mwangi tweeted.

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Orange Democratic Movement (ODM) Secretary General Edwin Sifuna has blasted The Standard newspaper over a controversial headline that dragged ODM into Uhuru Kenyatta-led Jubilee party problems.

The newspaper on Tuesday ran a story titled ” The Wars in Uhuru and Raila parties”.

Sifuna says the story under the titled is all about Jubilee but ODM were lumped together.

He says he read the story keenly looking to see who was fighting who in ODM and over what, but the writer of the story did not say.

Sifuna is now accusing the Mombasa road-based media house of misunderstanding balance when it comes to news.

He says that the media house understands balance as including everyone in their stories.

@StandardKenya understands balance to mean including everyone in their stories. This story is about Jubilee…but it had to “balance” so we were lumped together. I read looking to see who was fighting who in ODM and over what…the writer Moses Nyamori doesn’t say. Takataka tu,” he tweeted.

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Modern Coast Express Bus company is back on the roads after facing a five day suspension from National Transport and Safety Authority (NTSA).

The company has received permission to resume normal operations from 1 pm today (Tuesday).

“This is a further update to the statement issued on 17.12.2019. We are pleased to inform all our passengers that we have received permission from NTSA to resume normal scheduled bus services from 1.00 pm today the 17.12.2019,” reads a tweet from the company.

NTSA had supended Modern Coast after the company’s two buses were involved in an accident on Thursday last week, killing seven and injuring 62 people.

The bus apologised for the inconvenience caused to all affected passengers who were not able to travel between the 12 and 16 December.

“We shall share the full scheduled buses for today 17.12.2019 within 1 hour.”

The authority said the company’s access to the NTSA portal has been deactivated to limit any activities on their 88 vehicles, as the investigation continues.

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